One of the toughest days of my teaching career came shortly after I concluded reading Barack by Jonah Winter to my scholars. This children's biography especially projected the idea that President Barack Obama struggled with his identity in being both an African American and Caucasian American. Throughout the book, questions of "Who AM I?" and "Where Do I Belong?" resurfaced time and time again causing my students to furl in curiosity and angst. When I concluded with the image of Barack Obama winning over America in the 2008 Presidential Election, one of my students was sobbing. My boys began to open up deeply, "Mr. Martin, I have never met my father." "Mr. Martin, my mom and I go and see my father...he won't ever be able to come and see me for 25 years." "Mr. Martin, my father died when I was two." Before long, ten to twelve of my boys had revealed the painful reality that their biological father was non or ill-existent in the lives of the nine and ten year olds just as it was with President Barack Obama. The emotion quelled in my throat as I fought to find words to combat the harsh reality perched in our classroom like an owl in the moonlight. A warrior cry that trumpeted triumphantly from inside of me: "I am sorry that the very men you need in your lives are not present to provide you with the very love, care, and tools you may need to thrive today. No one will ever replace them, because every boy desires the love of his father. But, I must reassure you that your life is not over and you cannot give up on living the best life possible because he is not present. Barack Obama spent just a moment in his life with his and he became the President of the United States. So, that tells me that we all have a chance to live great lives and achieve big dreams!" At a 2008 Father's Day speech, President Obama encourages the nation to exposes the vulnerability that lies in the lack of fatherhood, "Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it. "But if we are honest with ourselves, we'll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing -- missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it. "You and I know how true this is in the African-American community. We know that more than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled -- doubled -- since we were children. We know the statistics -- that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it. ... "We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child -- it's the courage to raise one.... "When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me -- how do I make my way in the world, and how do I become successful and how do I get the things that I want. Before long my boys got into small sidebar conversations about the revelations that stood thick in the air. And a question erupted from the back of the room, "Mr. Martin, did you grow up with your father?" I stood in silence, at a crossroads. I want to deeply empathize with the young males in my room who were torn with agony about not having their own and not flaunt my own truth. Yet, the truth was what I always promised my boys. Simply stated, I responded. "Yes, I have a father who has taught me strength, perseverance, and how to stand up for my community! And I will share with you the love and lessons that he taught me!"
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October 2021
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